I was recently thinking about this idea when I heard the phrase, “Thanks for everything.” Maybe I heard myself saying it. It is one I use too often. I say too often because what does it really mean?

Thanks for all the goodness in my life? Thanks for everything you’ve ever done for me? Thanks for all the kind acts I can’t bother to list right now? I know I appreciate you, but I can’t remember the specific reason, so thanks?

Granted, this is being a bit facetious. We know that isn’t how we mean it, and they know that isn’t how we mean it. Typically, I say it because I’m trying to convey my inability to describe how thankful I am, that there are just too many kindnesses to cover in a short “thanks”. Maybe instead of falling back on this generalization, though, I could explore some more appropriate way to express my appreciation.

What would that look like?

I’m not entirely sure, but I’m guessing it would take some work, perhaps a little more forethought. Usually I find myself falling back on “thanks for everything” when someone who has been helpful is leaving (or I’m leaving them). I feel like I can’t communicate my gratitude in the quick goodbye that is coming. But those goodbyes rarely come as a surprise.

Maybe I could write a little note with more detail about how much I appreciate this person, then pass it off to them during the goodbye, like the inconspicuous exchange of a tip I always admire in the movies (personally, I never pull it off).

Maybe I could skip the “everything” and mention a few specifics I am especially thankful for. Wouldn’t it be better to say, “Thanks for bringing the spinach dip and playing with the dog,” even if the person also brought chips and helped wash dishes? Are they going to be offended that you didn’t provide a complete list of their good deeds? Or are they more likely to appreciate that you noticed some of their contributions?

The problem with the “everything” is that you could say it to “everyone”. It is so general that it means nothing. By making your thanks specific, you make it personal. Maybe you don’t cover it all, but you do make it clear that this thank you is for them.

By trying to ensure that we leave nothing out, the catch-all “thanks for everything” mostly ensures that we leave nothing in. At least nothing memorable.

I could be nit-picking my gratitude, of course. Certainly a vague thank you is better than none at all. It feels like something worth experimenting with anyway.

What do you think? What kind of thank you is your default? What kind do you prefer from others? Is this a case for generalization over specificity?

We just finished hosting a baby shower for our forthcoming twins, (does that make it a babies shower?) and the preparation involved a great deal of cleaning, straightening, cooking, etc., which was followed by mingling and coraling and topped off with the construction of a sandbox.

I am also full.

There is nothing like be surrounded by people who care enough about you to make a trip out to your house just so they can celebrate you and give you stuff. The stuff hardly matters, of course, but it is touching to know that they care.

Mostly, I’m too tired to really get this all down, but I didn’t really think ahead enough to have a post ready to go on a day when I knew I would be too busy to write much. I wanted to go ahead and say that as much as I avoid gatherings and groups of people, it can make you feel pretty great on occasion. It might wear you out, but it can also build you up.

I feel tired and grateful and pleased and wiped and hungry. But mostly grateful.

Last week my toddler contracted the flu, and just as we thought that would be the end of it, my wife (my pregnant wife, pregnant with twins wife) started showing symptoms on Monday. I found myself feeling fortunate, though, and I wanted to explore the reasons for that.

1) I was able to work from home

When Theo was sick, I was able to take off a day to help with getting him to the pediatrician and keeping him from being too miserable through the worst of his flu (more on that below). I feel pretty grateful just for that fact. It was not a big deal for me to take a day off to care for my kid. But at the end of that week, I also started my telecommuting schedule, which allows me to work from home a couple days a week. There’s a whole story behind that as well, which I will probably share at some point, but the takeaway is that I had the tools and the permission to work at home and still be able to get Melanie tea and kleenex and soup and check up on her and play with Theo so she could spend some time in bed and so on. And I didn’t have to use any of my time off.

2) Melanie and Theo are super-troopers

I don’t know exactly when parents started calling their children troopers for being tough or not complaining in the face of pain or illness or whatever. It’s actually a little weird. It’s very, “Buck up, soldier.” If anyone knows the source of that saying, please leave a comment.

Having said that, my wife and son are troopers. Super-troopers. Paratroopers even. While Theo got fussy through the worst of it, he was very much his normal, great kid, self. Just a little slower, and much warmer. I didn’t even believe he had the flu until they tested him (he’s not such a trooper when it comes to nurses sticking swabs in his throat and down his nose). He also had very mild symptoms, which is another point to be grateful for.

And Melanie was the same even though it was tougher on her. Imagine the achiness of the flu combined with the discomfort of two human beings jostling around your insides, trying to push you apart one rib, one muscle, one ligament at a time. You can’t sit up because that makes it hard to breathe. You can’t lie down because that causes increased indigestion. You can’t take a bunch of medicine and just sleep for three days because you can’t take much of anything. You can’t even have cough drops with menthol (the kind of cough drops that work). Even though she was more miserable than you can likely imagine, certainly more than I can, she didn’t go out of her way to make everyone else miserable. That takes a lot of the burden off the caretaker, so I’m grateful for that.

3) I didn’t have to do it alone

On Wednesday (actually on Tuesday as well), my mom was able to come by for a few hours, mostly to hang out with Theo so I could focus a little more on work. She isn’t just down the street, so I definitely appreciate her willingness to drive out even if just for a little while. It allowed me to pay more attention to the laptop without feeling guilty about Theo wanting me to do something urgent, like close easter eggs. She is happy to do it, of course, because she loves spending time for Theo. I’m grateful for that too. And she brought soup because that’s who she is.

4) All the other things

The spark for my feeling grateful was just the idea that I could be at home when I needed to be. But when I really started to think about it, I came up with a host of other reasons that made this week not the worst one of my life. I appreciated where and when I live; very little of this would have been possible if I did not live in a modern society with such niceties as Tamiflu and the Internet. I appreciated my job that I don’t always love and realized that I probably shouldn’t complain too much about something allows me such flexibility while providing enough money to pay for such niceties as Tamiflu and the Internet. I appreciated my boss and her boss, who have always been willing to work with me when I wanted to try a new schedule or working arrangement. I appreciated myself for being willing to ask. I appreciated that my mom is retired so she can help out. I appreciated my coffee maker. I appreciated that Melanie and Theo didn’t get sick at the same time. I appreciated not being sick myself. And so on.

I found much to be thankful for because I started looking. That isn’t always easy, but it is always possible. I don’t want to be the person who says, “Think of all the people who are worse off than you.” I’m not sure how useful that is really. But I know it helps to think about what you do have instead of what you don’t.

What are some aspects of your life–big, small, or in between–that you are grateful for? Who are some of the people you appreciate?

PS: When I clicked “publish” after never having clicked “Save Draft” my browser yelled at me and told me there was a database error. I’m grateful that I was able to recover this post in its entirety instead of having to rewrite it from scratch.