I was recently thinking about this idea when I heard the phrase, “Thanks for everything.” Maybe I heard myself saying it. It is one I use too often. I say too often because what does it really mean?

Thanks for all the goodness in my life? Thanks for everything you’ve ever done for me? Thanks for all the kind acts I can’t bother to list right now? I know I appreciate you, but I can’t remember the specific reason, so thanks?

Granted, this is being a bit facetious. We know that isn’t how we mean it, and they know that isn’t how we mean it. Typically, I say it because I’m trying to convey my inability to describe how thankful I am, that there are just too many kindnesses to cover in a short “thanks”. Maybe instead of falling back on this generalization, though, I could explore some more appropriate way to express my appreciation.

What would that look like?

I’m not entirely sure, but I’m guessing it would take some work, perhaps a little more forethought. Usually I find myself falling back on “thanks for everything” when someone who has been helpful is leaving (or I’m leaving them). I feel like I can’t communicate my gratitude in the quick goodbye that is coming. But those goodbyes rarely come as a surprise.

Maybe I could write a little note with more detail about how much I appreciate this person, then pass it off to them during the goodbye, like the inconspicuous exchange of a tip I always admire in the movies (personally, I never pull it off).

Maybe I could skip the “everything” and mention a few specifics I am especially thankful for. Wouldn’t it be better to say, “Thanks for bringing the spinach dip and playing with the dog,” even if the person also brought chips and helped wash dishes? Are they going to be offended that you didn’t provide a complete list of their good deeds? Or are they more likely to appreciate that you noticed some of their contributions?

The problem with the “everything” is that you could say it to “everyone”. It is so general that it means nothing. By making your thanks specific, you make it personal. Maybe you don’t cover it all, but you do make it clear that this thank you is for them.

By trying to ensure that we leave nothing out, the catch-all “thanks for everything” mostly ensures that we leave nothing in. At least nothing memorable.

I could be nit-picking my gratitude, of course. Certainly a vague thank you is better than none at all. It feels like something worth experimenting with anyway.

What do you think? What kind of thank you is your default? What kind do you prefer from others? Is this a case for generalization over specificity?