While I don’t consider myself to be a very rash or emotional person in general, helping someone through the birthing of a baby is a particularly stressful time. During the labor, there is a lot of someone else in pain and a great deal of waiting. And for the most part, everything feels out of control, or at least out of your control.

Because of my meditation practice, however, I found that I was accepting of these circumstances. I had a decent handle on what I could do to help and whether or not worrying about it would benefit me or Melanie.

Through the early stages of labor, I focused on being present for Melanie, on making sure that she was as comfortable as she could be. When she was rushed to the Operating Room with a breech baby about to come out (a situation very few medical professionals have experience with), I did not feel the need to panic. I knew that I could do nothing about the circumstances, but I could be there for Melanie no matter what the resolution. I give meditation much of the credit for this mindset. I give much of the rest of the credit to our awesome doula, Kathleen, who was a calm, knowledgeable presence the entire time.

The meditative mindset has also come in handy since the birth of the girls. There was a lot of waiting–in the NICU, in the hospital room, in the pediatrician’s office–and I found that my tolerance for the waiting was pretty high.

And then there are the babies. They require a great deal of patience and calm. I often find myself remembering to breathe, to focus on my physical reaction to crying and crying and crying in order to not let that non-stop pressure overwhelm me.

On the whole, then, I would say that the meditation has been essential for my making it through the whole experience with an even keel. From what I have read and heard, the effect of a consistent meditation practice continues to build as you stay consistent with it. I have kept it up but not as purposefully. My streak, according to the Calm app, is just over 40 days. Quite a few of those sessions were just quick trips to falling asleep or napping, but that is useful too. As I start to develop a slightly more regular schedule, I plan on making sure focused meditation has a place in it because I think that will be quite beneficial.

There have also been some rather extreme changes in my life in the last few days, mainly the birth of our twin girls, Caroline and Emerson. That process has occupied most of my mind space for previous seventy-two hours or so. It was a wild experience with lots of drama and ups and downs, and while it still isn’t really over yet, I have had a chance to do a little reflecting on how the Happiness Challenge has benefited me throughout the journey.

In the next few posts, I’ll run through each of the challenges–Meditation, Exercise, Gratitude, Kindness, and Positive Journaling–and catalog how they were manifested in the beginning of the twinpocalypse. And then I’ll probably have a Conclusion that talks about the overall experience of the 30 Day Happiness Challenge. I hoping to stick to my regular schedule, but I am not going to stress about that.

Meditation

I got about ten minutes in this morning. Although, to be honest, it should probably only count for like five because I kept breaking my concentration to see if Theo was awake. You don’t want to be so focused that you open your eyes to see a toddler staring at you for who knows how long. I have found the quiet moments, even during the guided meditations, to be less fraught lately. Or maybe I’m just not remembering well.

Exercise

As we were getting ready to head to bed, I sighed at Melanie, “I haven’t done any exercise today.” It was my way of admitting failure, of accepting that my last day of this challenge would probably be a bit of a letdown. Her response was, “The day’s not over.” That’s the kind of accountability you can get from communicating with others. So, I did several different ab exercises, some lunges, a few push ups, and had some rebozo time. This last exercise is a great arm/shoulder workout, but it’s probably best left to those with a pregnant spouse, or at least someone who trusts you a great deal.

Gratitude

1. I’m grateful that Melanie’s mom has been around to help out around the house and with Theo. I haven’t mentioned this before because it’s such an overwhelming amount of gratitude, that it hardly feels like justice to throw it in here with all these other things. But I thought about it tonight because these likely would not have made it out every day without her help.
2. I’m grateful that despite Wednesday often feeling like Fridays to me, Thursdays aren’t that bad. That’s my story today anyway. I’ll have to see how tomorrow goes.
3. I’m grateful for this challenge. I haven’t decided how to sum it all up yet, but I know that I appreciate the concept, and I am glad that I managed to stick with it to the end.

Kindness

I did some research and found a pool where Melanie could take a break from gravity. Having near-full-term twins in your body is no joke, and it has been taking its toll on her for a while. The pool isn’t a perfect solution, but it allowed her to get a brief respite. I haven’t been counting kindness toward my family in this challenge (for the most part), but it’s almost over, so who’s going to complain at this point? Also, Melanie really loves swimming, so I feel it was an extra dose of kindness.

Something positive

I originally typed most of this up offline because the internet wasn’t working on the laptop. That’s not a positive thing. However, for some reason, when I started typing I had it in my head that this was Day 29 of the challenge. I didn’t realize until I went to my dashboard to paste in my stuff and finish everything that it was actually Day 30, the last day of the challenge. This is probably for the best. Otherwise, I might have tried to make an effort to make this day extra special. But it’s just Day 30, just like Day 24 or Day 9. Except that the challenge is over now.

I’m going to do a little reflection over the next few days, and I hope to report on that over the weekend. Thanks for being on this short journey with me.

Got in ten minutes at work this morning. I noticed that about seven minutes in (this is mostly a guess) that I felt my mind shift a little. It seemed to become more focused on being quiet. I’ve had this happen before, and I think it is some kind of sweet spot for meditation, where it doesn’t feel so much like a battle to keep my mind clear. It is fleeting, of course, quickly replaced by the struggle of rambling. But I think it means I’m occasionally stretching myself.

Exercise

Another wet day, which meant I had to look for ways to get my exercise indoors. I decided to try to do a yoga session, even if that meant having Theo hassle me the whole time. But, the rain gave us a break when I got home, so we had a chance to do some running through puddles and around the cul-de-sac.

Gratitude

1. I’m grateful for new windshield wipers. Mine were well worn, rubber flapping and blade streaking, when I replaced them a few weeks ago. They have come in handy while driving through the fat rain we’ve been having.
2. I’m grateful for the digital picture frame I have at the office. While the photos are somewhat outdated (I think the newest is over a year old) they are lovely and remind me of why I go to work every day. Although, they also remind me of why I would rather be at home (or at least close by) every day.
3. I’m grateful for puddles and Theo’s joy when he runs through them, pushing various trucks and cars around, making small wakes and bubbles in his path.

Kindness

Sent a message to a friend on Facebook encouraging her to keep sharing herself with the world. She’s funny and talented, and I hope she sees some encouraging successes in her work soon.

Something positive

We got to say hi to a few neighbors while doing all our puddle stomping, and it reminded me that, for the most part, we have pleasant people around us. We hardly know any of them, but they are always nice and make a point to try to talk to Theo (he doesn’t always oblige). Sometimes my frustrations about our house or the HOA make me forget that I enjoy our neighborhood.

So, one day to go. I’m not certain what I’ll do with myself when it’s over.

Meditation

Despite traffic working against me this morning, I managed to set aside a few minutes for meditation at the office. I was already thinking about work stuff, so I found it difficult to keep that from worming its way into my thoughts. It still felt good to get it taken care of early on.

Exercise

I took a few flights of stairs before going for a shorter walk at lunch. I didn’t want to stray too far from the office since we’ve had sporadic rain all day. I might try a few extra steps on the stairs on my way out also. I can’t really count on any running with Theo time when the weather is like this. (Update from the future: I did a few flights of stairs and managed to run around outside with Theo for a while.)

Gratitude

1. I’m grateful for folks who occasionally mention this challenge in our conversations. That has happened a few times in the last few days, and it helps remind me that this thing is getting farther than the walls of my house. And if it makes some small positive impact for someone, it is worth sharing even when that feels like a burden.
2. I’m grateful to have an archive of these posts. I haven’t actually looked back at them much, but I know it will be gratifying to do so when the challenge is complete. Also, I just did a quick scan of past gratitudes, which helped prevent a repeat.
3. I’m grateful for frozen pizza. I know it’s no way to live my life, but sometimes its convenience and price tag is a magical thing.

Kindness

I complimented a coworker on her dress today. It was quirky and unusual, and I appreciate her willingness to be different, which I expressed. I’m hoping to get some additional kindness in, but this is what I have for now. (Future update: nothing to add.)

Something positive

While our driveway is cracked, uneven, and in need of repair, Theo enjoys running his truck over the changes in elevation like he’s offroading or something. Also, he loves puddles, and they were in ample supply this afternoon.

That’s four weeks. Only two days left until the big reveal. (Sorry, that’s some other kind of challenge.) I have an idea for my next challenge and should have details soon. Stay tuned because it will involve some audience participation.

Meditation

Going for the just before bed meditation. I’m going to keep it short though since I’d prefer not to dose off during it. At this point, it’s really more about not breaking my streak than it is about getting the day off right. But keeping the streak going might prove to be a motivation at a later date when it could be even more helpful.

Exercise

Spent a lot of time with Theo today, running and walking and pushing him around in his play truck. It wasn’t strenuous, but it was in medium to strong humidity.

Gratitude

1. I’m grateful for Melanie’s patience as a mother.
2. I’m grateful for Melanie’s sensitivity as a mother.
3. I’m grateful for Melanie’s self-awareness as a mother.

Of course, I could keep going, but I only have to list three. I’m also grateful for all the other moms (including mine) who continue to contribute great things to my life. I think Mothers Day is mostly overwrought, but I appreciate that it reminds me to say something kind to a few people in my life who happen to be moms.

Kindness

So, that’s what I did for my kindness today. I sent personal messages to a bunch of moms I know who are currently rocking it in their journey of child rearing. Totally worth it.

Something positive

I snuck vegetables into meatloaf. I’m not exactly sure if that fits with the rest of this daily challenge summary. But I managed to get spinach and kale into BBQ meatloaf muffins without anyone noticing, and I just have to share that. We’ve been trying to get a little more green with our food lately. I don’t mean environmentally conscious; I mean eating more green stuff. It can be difficult at times, and I’m glad to have found another way to put something healthy alongside or inside our regular fare. With the use of a small food processor, it was also relatively painless, so it feels pretty positive to me.

Have a nice Monday, et al.

Meditation

I tried something new since I didn’t have any time to really even think about meditation until I was playing in the sandbox with Theo this evening. He and I had been playing in near silence for ten or fifteen minutes when I thought I would try listening to a guided meditation while I sifted sand. It actually worked out pretty well even though I don’t think it had the same effect as a focused, eyes closed session. I probably would have gotten a full fifteen minutes or more if I had started earlier. Instead, I made it about ten minutes in when he decided to go inside.

Exercise

I did a few different sessions of running around with Theo, pushing him in cars and playing chase. I don’t want to say that I’ve abandoned the walks with Rory, but it does feel that way sometimes. I just need to find a way to squeeze another thirty minutes into (or out of) the morning.

Gratitude

1. I’m grateful for rotisserie chicken and how easy it can make dinner prep.
2. I’m grateful for my mom buying said chicken.
3. I’m grateful for my mom-in-law getting all the nice produce to make a decent salad to go with said chicken.

Kindness

I did actually follow through on the promise to leave an app review yesterday. It didn’t feel as good as most of my other kindnesses, even the previous app review. I think it’s because the app was for a much larger company, so I don’t feel like there was a high enough kindness to human ratio. Tonight, I’m writing a review of a podcast that is mostly run by one person, so that should be better.

Something positive

I went to a home improvement store this morning with Theo, my brother-in-law, and nephew. It was a fairly relaxed trip that involved lots of time for climbing into bays and playing sword fights with tubes of window screen. I think everyone enjoyed themselves, and it was a nice break from our routine.

Meditation

I did manage to get a short meditation session in this morning before I really got wrapped up in work, which was nice. I’m starting to think that it definitely helps get the day off right, and that the accumulative practice helps as well. Of course, I’m not really supposed to be evaluating it yet I don’t think.

Exercise

Ran around with Theo for a good chunk of the afternoon/evening. I felt okay about that, but I don’t feel as great about his mosquito encounters. For whatever reason, I’m one of the lucky ones who doesn’t get bitten as often and doesn’t have as bad of a reaction when I do get a bite. It appears that Theo takes after his mother. Or maybe he just has young skin or something. I also did some horseplay with him inside, which turned out to be a decent resistance workout. Not compared to an actual workout, but compared to walking around.

Gratitude

For whatever reason, these have been pretty tough for me lately. It’s not that I’m not grateful for stuff. It’s just that it can be difficult to think of them offhand without repeating myself, especially when nothing in a particular day stands out. I probably should have started keeping a list of what I had already said at the very beginning so I wouldn’t be so worried about doubling up.

1. I’m grateful for quick access to decent groceries. I don’t even really understand what it would be like to live in a food desert.
2. I’m grateful for not having neighbors behind us so Rory doesn’t have dogs on three sides to bark at.
3. I’m grateful for Theo’s tendency to show more affection these days because it’s just so damn cute.

Kindness

I’m going to leave a nice app review. I double swear.

Something positive

Despite almost nothing going as planned, the day itself wasn’t bad. It was just a lot more sitting in traffic than I expected, and a lot more being away from home. Luckily, I had managed to get a good deal of work done in the morning, so I didn’t feel overly stressed about being away from the computer for an extended period. That feels like a positive thing.

Ugh. I for sure prefer getting these done earlier in the day. But I’m also glad that I’m sticking to the basic idea of everything even when I occasionally stray/fail. Now for the weekend?

I’m going in a different order today because telling this story will provide a background, and some necessary detail, for the rest of the tasks.

This morning, I was headed to work on time, early enough even to stop by Starbucks to treat myself to a coffee and breakfast pastry. It felt like a good day for it. On the way, I remembered that I needed to stop for gas too, a fact I had forgotten on the way home yesterday.

Then I remembered that I didn’t have my wallet, that I was pretty sure it was at work. So, I had a few decisions to make. I didn’t think turning around to go back home would do much good since I didn’t think my wallet was there and I would have to scrounge around for some cash or loose change. Starbucks could still get me my caffeine since I could pay with my phone, and I felt like I could probably make it to work then get gas on the way home. I wasn’t completely confident, but my gas light wasn’t even on yet.

Just as I pulled into Starbucks, the gas light came on. I went ahead and got my coffee and pastry, and thought about asking the barista if I could borrow some of her tip money and just leave a tip with my app. That felt pretty sketchy though. Instead, I went back to the car and searched for loose change. I had recently given it a light cleaning, so I managed to come up with only a dime, two nickels, and about fifteen or twenty pennies, some of them too sticky with old peppermint to give to anyone. So, I headed toward the gas station that’s on the way, wondering if thirty cents worth of gas would get me to work if I didn’t use the air conditioning.

On the way, I decided it probably wouldn’t. And even if it did, there was a slim chance that my wallet wasn’t actually in my office, in which case I might be stranded at work. So, I decided to ask some people for cash. First, I checked over by the air/water machine in case anyone had dropped some loose quarters there. Then, I approached a guy roughly my age who looked like he was almost finished filling up his vehicle. I wasn’t sure what to say, but I went with this.

“Hi. So, I left my wallet at work and I’m almost out of gas, and I was wondering if maybe you had a dollar I could borrow?”

He said he thought he might, then started into his pockets. I told him I knew this feels kind of fishy, and that I was embarrassed about it. He then found a five dollar bill but no ones. And he gave me that. I asked if he was sure and told him I could send him the money or something if he gave me his contact info. He said, “No, don’t worry about it. It happens sometimes.” I thanked him and shook his hand, then headed inside to wait in a crazy long line to pre-pay for my gas.

When I went to start my car, the battery light flickered, and I double checked to make sure I hadn’t left the lights on. I hadn’t, so I tried again. Then I popped the hood and jacked around with the battery connection, cleaning off some corrosion because sometimes it likes to play games. That got the car started. Then I headed off to work, with the A/C running, and made it without any issue (aside from being late, although I was still there earlier than almost everyone else because of my schedule).

My something positive is that I felt pretty alright through that whole thing. I was never completely stressed or worried, and even though I was embarrassed about asking for money, I felt pretty confident that someone’s kindness would eventually get me enough gas to get to work.

Gratitude

1. Obviously, I’m grateful for the guy who gave me some money without even making me feel guilty or ashamed about it. I’m grateful he was the only one I had to ask.
2. I’m also grateful that he didn’t have just one dollar because I had to leave work early to go meet Melanie for an appointment. The extra gas meant I didn’t have to try to fill up when I was already running behind.
3. I’m grateful that I decided to go to Starbucks in the first place. If I hadn’t, I would have been on the toll road with fewer options for getting gas, and I probably would have tried to make it to work. A decision that likely would have resulted in an even more hectic morning.

Meditation

Despite not getting to work when I wanted to, I still took a few minutes to do some meditation in my office. I knew that setting that time aside would actually lead to a better, and likely more productive, day overall. I think it helped keep me settled after the rough start to the day, and I wouldn’t be surprised if the earlier meditations didn’t help with my attitude about the whole thing while it was happening.

Kindness

After the kindness given to me, I feel like I should have really went for this one. Instead, I complimented a coworker on something she had made recently. She seemed to appreciate that.

Exercise

I just failed on this one. You see how my morning went. That led to me working through most of my lunch, which didn’t leave time for walking. And I was in a hurry on the way out, so I didn’t take any extra stairs. The afternoon and evening were consumed by the appointment (which took over three hours) and rush hour traffic on the way home. These are all just excuses, but I’m okay admitting that.

Have a good Friday.

Meditation

Took advantage of a short window of opportunity in which Theo was not buzzing around to do a quick meditation. That was a good call because I don’t know if I really had another chance after. It was long, but I felt okay with that. It’s building a practice slowly so that it might stick.

Exercise

I knew this was going to be an issue because the rain is back, which means I can’t just run around outside with Theo or go for a quick walk. Yoga is still an option, but let’s be honest, that feels weird when other people are going about their business. I haven’t solved it as of 4:40, but I’m still on the case. I decided to do some body weight exercises (squats, push-ups, etc.) while cooking dinner. It wasn’t much, but it got me moving.

Kindness

I filled out a survey after chatting with a customer service representative for Reliant. That doesn’t seem like much, but I gave really great feedback because she gave really good service. It’s kindness because I was honest and positive and because I typically don’t take the time to provide that feedback but I did knowing that it would reflect positively on her.

Gratitude

1. I’m grateful for whoever made the electricity facts label mandatory. (This might only be a Texas thing.) It helps cut through all the gimmicks that make plan comparison such a pain and allowed me to make sure I was getting a decent deal.
2. I’m grateful for Internet fax services. I’m not actually using one at the moment, but I almost had to today. It helped remind me how ludicrous “office service” places can be.
3. I’m grateful for steak and how quickly it can be cooked and how well it pairs with potatoes and how I can feel okay about all that even though it might not be the absolute best thing I can put in my body.

Something positive

We had a nice experience with Melanie’s current OB. This is after a long story of changes and surprises, and while we might not ultimately end up with this one, it is comforting to know that he isn’t completely without personality. Instead, it’s possible that we just caught him on a bad day the other two times we met.

And that’s all for today. It seems this challenge is determined to wrap itself up no matter my feelings on the whole thing.